WEEKLY PROGRESSION/RELAPSE UPDATE & EVENTS:
- (-): I thought about the individual(s) who made me feel suicidal one time this past week. I don’t remember why, but I am glad it was a very fleeting feeling and it didn’t bring me into the “dark place”. I am intrigued by the concept of how long it takes to shake hopelessness and how I am in a place where I genuinely feel like I can live outside of the trauma-loop. I am amazed, but not surprised, how shameless and transformative the mind can be; where individuals can convince themselves they’ve not done something utterly horrible because no one will hold them accountable. For myself, I never want to be the person to cause someone else intentional harm, but I struggle with this concept sometimes, because at times (often emotional) pain and accountability are intertwined. I have faltered to act at times because I understand I live in a culture that is afraid of pain and therefore adverse to it. However, I also understand through over 1000 days of suffering, that to learn tolerance and to move beyond pain, one must face it. Not always head on, but it must be faced.
- (+): My smell is improving. I’ve been using the same laundry detergent for several months and hair conditioner for maybe 8 months? I smelled my detergent (Target brand gentle & free) for the first time this past weekend, it smells good. My hair smells very strong too. I’m not sure if I like it. One of my friends back home from Wisconsin likes it, she told me one time (random). I’ll probably use it until the bottle is done and not repurchase (Hask conditioner, the one with the magenta top).
- (+): I attended a discussion at the Gerontological Society of America (GSA) on the FDA’s proposal to broaden access to medications in nonprescription settings. It was interesting to hear the perspectives of other associations representing pharmacy, cardiology, sleep, allergy, asthma, and immunology, obstetrics and gynecology, and lawyers as well.
- (+): I went to a patient advocacy training summit hosted by the National Health Council with stakeholders from various health divisions. I was able to meet some incredible individuals from the National Kidney Foundation, the Sjogren’s Syndrome Foundation, Arrhythmia Alliance, Maryland Citizens’ Health Initiative Maryland Faith Health Network, and many more. I look forward to writing a short story for a pharmacy magazine regarding this experience.
- (+/-): My boyfriend visited me this past weekend. In this post, I will not explain how complicated it is to try and be in an intimate relationship with someone like me. That is a whole story in itself. But in general, I do not like to form too close of relationships to protect both myself and potentially the ones who may care for me. Haha, I am impressed though. He is doing a wonderful job coming along for the ride and overall I am very happy he came. He got to visit a bunch of my DC friends and we had a lot of good food and laughs.
- (+): It was officially Lunar New Year on Friday! Made dumplings and hot pot with friends, played Chinese Ladder Game and participated in Chinese New Year events at the Kennedy Center. It was a lot of fun!
- (+): I ate a lot of ramen…and other yummy Asian noodles.
- (+): I’m cooking Asian food again! Went to H-Mart for the first time about a week and a half ago. My pantry has been updated with Asian sauces.
- (+): I saw Black Panther. At first, I wasn’t sure if I liked it because I was dissatisfied with the ending (incomplete spoiler, I just wished there was something marginalized people could do themselves to get out of problems instead of relying so heavily on the goodwill of those who have more power and wealth, but I suppose that is how real-life works anyhow). However, I decided I do like it because the movie explored some complicated themes related to race and privilege. I believe in the United States there are still opportunities to make progress in these topic areas.
Did you see Black Panther? What were your thoughts? What did you do for Chinese New Year?
jingwunders 